so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
