Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
