i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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