so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
