Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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