Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
