he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
