Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
