my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
