hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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