You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
