I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
