I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
