Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do vagina's smell?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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