She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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