Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
