Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
