Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
