I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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