What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
