Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It was confusing and full of hummus
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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