im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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