I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
