when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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