I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
