At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
