I'm so fucking centered right now
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
