1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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