i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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