There is no way he is gay with that hair.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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