You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
