New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
