why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
