That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
