I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
