Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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