i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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