I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
