Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
