I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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