i wish there were pregnant emoticons
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He did a backflip because drugs
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