a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
