It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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