If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
