Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
