Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
