His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
