I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
