the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
