I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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