Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
