i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
