watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
