community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
